Money stress isn’t always about money

In Malta, money anxiety often hides behind “responsible” habits — checking apps, avoiding statements, delaying decisions. Dayna Clarke Camilleri speaks to psychotherapist Charlene Veneziani about why uncertainty hijacks the nervous system, and how self-understanding can restore financial calm.

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Charlene Veneziani

Most people know roughly what’s in their bank account. And yet, many of us still check. Before buying something small, before a night out, sometimes just before going to bed, as if the number might have changed on its own. The relief is brief. A few minutes later, the unease returns.

This loop is so familiar that it barely registers as a problem. It’s framed as being careful, responsible, and sensible. But psychologists and behavioural economists describe it differently, as a pattern driven by uncertainty and the way our minds respond to it rather than by ignorance or laziness.

“Money anxiety often shows up subtly rather than as overt distress,” says Charlene Veneziani, a warranted family psychotherapist working with individuals and couples in Malta. “Even when finances are stable, people may feel constant pressure, engage in ‘what if’ thinking, or struggle to relax around spending.” In practice, she adds, this can lead to overcorrecting behaviours, such as aggressively paying off debt, which may reduce anxiety briefly but create ongoing strain. “At its core, this anxiety is less about numbers and more about safety, security, and fear of loss.”

Although money anxiety looks different from person to person, it tends to follow a few recognisable patterns. Some people respond by constantly checking. Banking apps, spreadsheets and budgeting tools become a way to reassure themselves in the moment, even if the reassurance never quite lasts. “These patterns are very common,” Veneziani explains. “Some people repeatedly check balances or accounts for reassurance, while others avoid decisions because money feels emotionally overwhelming.”

Others respond oppositely. Statements remain unopened. Emails from banks or service providers sit unread for weeks. Decisions are postponed until they can no longer be ignored. “These behaviours are not flaws,” she says. “They are the nervous system’s attempts to manage uncertainty and regain control.” Then there are those who know what needs to be done but wait for the perfect moment, the correct rate, the clearest horizon, the most certain outcome. “Decision paralysis often affects conscientious individuals who feel intense pressure to make the ‘right’ decision,” Veneziani notes. “Money feels emotionally overwhelming, so delaying becomes a form of self-protection.”

What these patterns have in common is not a lack of knowledge, but a shared response to uncertainty. Research into financial distress consistently shows that anxiety is not only about how much money someone has, but about perceived threat and lack of control. This helps explain why financially stable people can still feel persistently on edge.

“Uncertainty is more destabilising for the nervous system than known difficulty,” Veneziani says. “When income is predictable, people can plan and adapt. Uncertainty keeps the body in a constant state of alert, making it hard to relax.” This, she explains, is why people with sufficient resources can feel more anxious than those with fewer but more predictable circumstances.

In Malta, that uncertainty is often amplified by proximity. It is a small country where lives are visible, and comparisons are constant, even when unspoken. Someone else’s renovation, new car or career move becomes a quiet benchmark. “In small communities like Malta, everyone seems to notice everything,” Veneziani says. “Homes, cars, weddings, even children’s school choices. These visible markers can quietly fuel comparison and pressure to ‘keep up,’ even when finances are stable.”

The tricky part, she adds, is the gap between private worry and public appearance. “People rarely talk about money stress, so others’ calm can make us feel behind or inadequate. In a tight-knit society, this can make money anxiety feel isolating, though in reality, it’s something many silently share.”

Faced with this pressure, many people respond by doubling down on responsibility: tighter budgets, more tracking, more restraint. On paper, it looks sensible. Emotionally, it can become exhausting. “Yes,” Veneziani says, “for some, financial responsibility becomes tied to identity and self-worth. When responsibility turns rigid, money feels like a measure of adequacy rather than a tool. This can create constant vigilance, fear of mistakes, and difficulty enjoying financial stability.”

This is also why practical financial advice often fails to calm money anxiety. “Money anxiety is rarely about lacking knowledge,” Veneziani explains. “Most people already know what they should do, but the anxiety lives at an emotional and physiological level, often shaped by past experiences. Practical advice alone can even increase pressure if the underlying emotional meaning of money isn’t addressed.”

Therapeutic work, instead, focuses on loosening the relationship between anxiety and behaviour. “Shifting from self-correction to understanding is often key,” Veneziani says. “Becoming curious about where money fears come from, and noticing bodily reactions without immediately acting on them, can reduce intensity. Over time, flexibility, self-compassion, and a sense of internal safety matter more than perfect systems.”

Money anxiety thrives on isolation and self-blame, on the quiet belief that everyone else has figured it out while you are somehow behind.

Recognising the pattern can change that internal narrative. “Money anxiety is not a personal failing but a human response to uncertainty and responsibility,” Veneziani says. “Feeling anxious does not mean someone is incompetent. If the anxiety feels persistent or restrictive, speaking with a therapist can help create space between feelings and behaviours. Reaching out is a supportive and thoughtful step.”

For many people, relief does not come from earning more or working harder. It comes from understanding that their anxiety is not a flaw, but a response. And that understanding alone can begin to loosen the grip.

Charlene Veneziani is a warranted family psychotherapist working with individuals and couples to support resilience, healthy relationships, and sustainable personal growth. With a background in psychology lecturing, she brings strong academic and clinical expertise.

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